Manager, Mentor Parent: How to Develop Responsible People and Build
Successful Relationships at Work and at Home
By Linda Culp
Dowling and Cecile Culp Mielenz
Drawing on our experiences, we
created a model of strategies and skills designed to help our
clients develop mentoring relationships rather than those based on
control. Mentor Manager, Mentor Parent teaches managers and parents
how to apply these proven techniques at work and at home.
On being a
A mentor shares wisdom about
aspects of life. The mentor manager or mentor parent willingly
accepts the challenge to develop responsible, self-directed people.
He recognizes the ineffectiveness of attempting to control employees
or children. Instead, he identifies and explains values and
standards. Whether at work or at home, the mentor involves
employees and children in making their own choices. Ultimately, he
places responsibility for behavior in their hands.
Your control style may originate
in the powerful influence of your role models. Perhaps you imitate
your first manager or recognize the similarity to a parent when you
speak or gesture. If your role model is a mentor, mentoring skills
will seem natural to you. On the other hand, if your role model is
a boss, manipulator, or martyr, you may find yourself reverting to
those familiar patterns, especially when you are under stress or
time pressure. Whether you imitate a role model or consciously
choose to behave differently, your control style reflects your
underlying assumptions about relationships with employees and
The mentoring process involves
four interrelated strategies. Success at one level leads to the
next, and difficulty at any level allows you to revisit the previous
strategy. Mentoring begins when you create a structure to explain
the values and expectations of your organization or family.
Building on that foundation, you coach employees and children to
develop their own skills. As they become more independent, you
conference to expand original expectations. Finally, as you
recognize their ability to direct themselves, you let go.
mentor structures by clearly explaining basic values that define
standards of behavior within the organization or family. Her own
actions consistently reflect those values. The mentor manager
project reports on schedule allows us to bill the client and collect
payment by the end of the month. The mentor parent takes time to
explain, You need to be ready for school by seven o’clock so
that I can drop you off on my way to work.